• Winner, Sexuality, 6th Annual Beverly Hills Book Awards. Revised 2nd edition.

    Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship with someone who may be a low-interest asexual? Praised by leading sexuality experts, this self-help memoir from the sexual partner's perspective is a first.

    Millions worldwide may be asexual--with some exceptions, they do not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality remains the "invisible orientation," largely unknown & misunderstood.

    While some asexuals enjoy sex, a large majority do not. For those who do not, relationships with sexually motivated people can be challenging. Because in-depth discussion & education about sexuality are limited in our culture, both partners may initially be unaware of their differences. This can create frustration & confusion. Blaming helps no one.

    Blending elements of Evan Ocean's intimate story with his own, Dave Wheitner shares expertise & perspective from counseling & psychology degrees, sexuality & intimacy training, & firsthand experiences similar to Evan's. The book cites 120+ sources, including works by asexual authors.

    Whether you're a sexually motivated partner or relationship professional, the candid story, insights, tools, & tips will resonate with you.

    This second edition incorporates the asexual community's constructive feedback on the first edition.

    Important: This book candidly shares a sexually motivated person's blunders & misunderstandings while learning about asexuality. It acknowledges & validates emotions like frustration, resentment, & rejection, while guiding the reader toward a place of increased understanding. It condemns violations of consent & offers guidance on moving beyond sexual entitlement. It supports the reader in owning the expression and expansion of their own sexuality.


    Part One:
    A candid memoir about the challenges of a mixed-orientation relationship, from the sexual partner's perspective. A detailed explanation of what asexuality is & isn't. A primer on concepts including attraction, desire, libido, & arousal.

    Part Two:
    How to clarify what you want. Identify common internal obstacles to sex & pleasure, such as guilt & shame. Begin to accept & forgive yourself & your partner if necessary. Address feelings of entitlement if needed. Learn to manage "no" & "yes" better. Start to take more ownership of your own sexuality.

    Part Three:
    Ways to expand physical & emotional intimacy with your partner, & also with others if desired. Types of intimacy & giving styles, foreplay, non-genital sensual touch, snuggle parties, polyamory, & other topics.

    Part Four:
    Strategies for becoming a better sexual partner. Improve presence, awareness, & communication; enlist creativity; address body insecurities; gain perspective on topics like masturbation & porn; make time for sex; & more.

    Part Five:
    Guidance on coming out to others, enlisting support, & preparing to shift out of a relationship if other options don't work. Loosen the grip of the societal "sexual control matrix."

    This book is *not* intended to provide:

    • A half-hour quick read or overnight quick fix.

    • Strategies for keeping your relationship in its current state. Rather, it is intended to help you determine what changes will serve everyone's best interests. This might include modifying or ending your relationship.

    • A replacement for the great books on asexuality written by asexual authors. This book merely provides a significant introduction.

    • Guidance on determining whether you are asexual. This book is intended primarily for sexually motivated partners, or for individuals who don't like sex and want a different & candid perspective.
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